An obituary is the one text everyone resists having to write. Gathering the appropriate information and writing it in such a way that isn’t morbid can be daunting.
However, writing an obituary shouldn’t create much worry for the writer. In fact, the obituary can allow for an unforgettable moment the deceased individual deserves. Read along to learn the essential information you need and how you can celebrate their life by crafting a touching obituary.
The Basics of an Obituary
Cause of Death
The actual manner concerning the death of the individual is a touchy subject, in general.
Journalists have tact, meaning we don’t want to upset readers if we don’t have to upset them. In cases that involve death, the majority of times it is left unrecognized. Unless it is a death of a celebrity. An actor or politician is already well-known and in the public eye, and therefore is not held under the same ethics as regular citizens.
For everyone else, like you and I, obituaries tend to leave out the cause of death.
Why?
Because it is not important. What is important is that the individual is gone. Does it truly matter how a person died or does it matter how you remember them? … I think the latter.
And that is what an obituary does: it makes you remember the good things about the person. To do this, knowing which type of keyword to use is imperative. Use appropriate language that you would not offend the family and friends reading the obituary, as well as any reader perusing the newspaper or website. You don’t want to turn people away from your outlet because you said the individual was “murdered” instead of “passed away.” The editorial team usually has a set of guidelines they will use for obituaries. Check with them first.
Addresses
Don’t publish addresses. Simple as that.
And if you do, only put the street—not the number. If you put the whole address in an obituary, that is telling too much information. Do readers really need to know where the deceased lived? Does it celebrate the deceased’s life by including the address? I say no.
Plus, by including the address it opens up the possibility that the house may suffer damages from intruders hoping to find an empty home to rob. It sounds terrible, but it happens. People are out there who hope to learn that it is open season for home robbery. And having simple details like the home address allows it to happen.
The Deceased’s Past
Only write good things.
Sure, John Doe might have been a crackhead and did 15 years in the slammer for his second B&E charge, but he is dead now. Do the readers really need to know that he was an archcriminal? Leave it out.
Instead, write about how he loved his mother and that he took care of the kittens he found abandoned behind a dumpster. Write about the positive, even if the deceased’s past consisted of mostly negative moments. Dig deep. You will find them. Ask someone close to him for details or old photos that showed him having a good time.
Never write about the bad things a person has done. And although the deceased cannot sue for libel, the kin can. And sometimes will. It is not unheard of for the family members of a dead individual to sue over libel materials.
Be careful.
Length
In most cases, obituaries must be paid for by someone. This allows for the usage of the newspaper or website (like storage fee), the uploading by the staff (labor), and the number of words (space allotted).
It is a business after all.
The length of an obituary of a regular citizen like you and I is somewhere in the vicinity of 200 words. Even a writer with no experience can tell a darn good obituary about a loved one in 200 words. If you want more words, most likely there will be an extra charge.
More words = more money.
Surviving Relatives
There isn’t any other part of the obituary that is needed as noting the deceased’s surviving family.
A general rule is to include all members: wife, children, siblings, grandchildren, any close friends, etc. It is up to the close kin to decide who goes in this section. They get the final word. I suggest writing it and having a close family member review it before publishing. Some family members have been removed for whatever reason. The dead may not have wanted to list them in his or her obituary. It is sad but it happens.
Regarding girlfriends or boyfriends of the deceased is tricky, especially if the original spouse had died years earlier. Many times, the family of the deceased resent having future lovers/companions of the deceased named in the obituary. Sometimes they don’t care at all. However, it is a touchy subject. If you recognize turmoil, I suggest you contact kin of the deceased for better insight.
Funeral Information
Write the name of the funeral establishment and the address. Online sites have the ability to include a link to the funeral website for more info.
If churches or other religious institutions plan on having services for the deceased, include them with an address, as well.
The Lead of the Obituary
The lead is something akin to a typical breaking news brief lead. It follows suit that includes the name, date, occupation, location, cause of death and age. Sometimes, to give the obituary a little insight about the deceased, a quick addition of his or her pastimes might follow their name. Always begin with the deceased’s name. For example:
John Doe, 87, an animal lover who spent his time managing the local kennel on weekends for free, died last week from a heart attack in his home.
Quotations
Although unusual for the basic obituary, if the dead is a well-known member of society, the obituary may have quotations from the dead or by people who knew him or her. For example:
Paul Allen, vice president of Taylor & Associates and step-son to Robert, called his father “one of a kind and leader of the pack.” Allen went on to mention Robert’s achievements and choked up when he referring to his father’s love for animals: “My dad found some kittens one night behind a dumpster and brought them home. He was always looking to help.”
Writing a Feature-Obituary
Journalists (or any family/friend) in charge of crafting the obituary have an opportunity to include certain elements that will differentiate the feature from a basic obituary.
This method is hardly ever made a reality because it is so taboo. Many family members may not appreciate this way, opting to stick to a traditionally conservative avenue of an obituary.
For those desiring a more riskier obituary, try to approach the feature with “fiction-esque” prose. To make this style seem legit, you must add specific details of the deceased. Gathering such information is vital for this method and will take interviews from close relatives and friends to acquire the needed details. Avoid using attributions, such as “his wife said” or “his brother stated” because it kills the realism.
For example:
By the time Robert Doe was in his thirties, he had a collection of every video game console ever made, except the Super Nintendo. He felt the addition of the “Super” was nothing but a selling gag and wouldn’t have anything to do with such. Instead, Doe invested his time into acquiring rare Atari games, like Pitfall and Ghostbusters, but shied away from Asteroids because his brother, John, hated the game. Robert enjoyed appeasing people, even if it meant not enjoying something he liked himself. Robert made it a point to live for others.
Related Questions
How is an obituary different from a death notice?
The death notice is very small. It just contains brief information: who? how old? where is the memorial service?
The obituary is longer and more detailed. Family members or funeral home staff write these. Make sure to proofread all obituaries. Many times these texts are sloppily placed together by people who couldn’t write a paragraph to save their lives. I have had to edit one by a funeral staff member who could not write a coherent sentence. Thank God I proofed it before it was printed.
How to gather information from the deceased’s family?
- Put yourself in their shoes and prepare yourself to listen to countless details about the dead.
- Pay attention to stories of the terrible sickness or various memories of their childhood together.
- Ask questions about small details that you can use for a good feature obituary.
- Prepare yourself for their crying spells and how to navigate out of them by changing the subject.
- Don’t be nervous because they might actually enjoy you listening to them. It will have them reminisce about the dead.
Think of an obituary as a mini-biography. It tells all of the major highlights of that person’s life. It honors even their smallest achievements in a way that can have their presence on earth last forever. An obituary is a great send-off the families and friends of the dead can take with them forever. Many times the obituary will stay on refrigerator doors and corkboards for years, allowing a last positive look to anyone who knew them.
Writing obituaries, you should know, is a good task. Not a bad one. Whether you are family or friend or a funeral staff member or a journalist, you should treat the obituary as a huge responsibility. You are in charge of writing about the memory of a person no longer living. Respect them. Allow the readers of the obituary to know that the deceased was a respectable person who affected the lives of others while alive.
~M